A couple of months ago I wrote an article called “Breast Cancer Scare-My Awakening”. In that article I addressed the difference between the givers and takers. I received a lot of feedback from that article and many of you asked me to elaborate on the “giver and takers” theory. So here it is!
Many of us have “takers” in our lives. You can identify them because they are all about them. They are manipulative. They make you feel that you are demanding and always asking for too much. They ALWAYS have an excuse for why they can’t give you what you need. It is ALWAYS about them. They are always a victim of circumstance! You will never understand them and everything is always harder for them then it is for you. Now the tricky thing about this is that they are not bad people. In fact, more often than not they are wonderful people! That is why we allow them into our lives in the first place. The bottom line is they do not have the skills and tools to be givers! They also are not interested in acquiring those skills and tools! Of course that is their free will choice! However, that does not mean you need to suffer as a result of their choices.
I am constantly receiving email questions about relationships. Why won’t he/she commit to me? Why can’t he/she choose between the two of us? Why does he/she treat me so bad? My question is WHY the heck are you with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with you and even worst doesn’t see your value!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Believe me….been there, done that! I would like to slap myself upside the head for all those times I sat there trying to “figure someone out” and all of those times I sat there waiting for someone to be ready for what I wanted! You are a wonderful, special, valuable person! Stop wasting time with people who don’t appreciate you!
I also get lots of emails about my boss, my children, my family, etc doesn’t treat me right. The funny thing is when you really understand the dynamics of these relationships (the lack of appreciation, control and manipulation) all this bad stuff has been going on forever! Again the question is not why are they treating me badly? The question is “why are you allowing them too”?
and “what about being there for others”…then you are just not ready! Sorry but that is the truth!
Finding happiness and ridding yourself of stress is actually so simple it is ridiculous. You need to look at everything and everyone around you and ask yourself “does this make me happy or sad”. If it makes you sad, you
need to change it! If you don’t feel strong enough get help, go to therapy, etc! Aren’t you worth it? Isn’t having a happy life worth it? There are no magic wands. YOU need to do the work to make your life wonderful!
Now before you go writing me about “compassion”, “understanding”, and “proving to someone you love them” let me just say this. There is a BIG difference between being compassionate and understanding and being a doormat! There is a HUGE difference between showing someone you love them and proving it! There are many types of relationships (family, friends, co-workers, etc) but the bottom line is the same…..a relationship has to go both ways! OF COURSE there will be times when one person needs to be stronger and more supportive then the other. I am talking about people who cause you nothing but stress in your life.
When I look back on my life I have very few regrets. I am well aware that we can all say what we would have done differently AFTER we know the outcome. The truth is at the time I made the best decisions I could. Besides regrets only keep you stuck in the past and I have no time for that crap! I have a lot of life left to live and damn it I am living it to the fullest. But as usual I digress……back to the very few regrets. If I had to pick one thing that I am most frustrated with myself about it would be all the time I allowed other people to take my power from me. I regret all of those times I allowed other people to overwhelm me and all the times I cried playing the victim role! I have said this before and I will say it again, NO ONE CAN DO ANYTHING TO YOU UNLESS YOU ALLOW THEM TO! Read that again! Now read this….NO ONE CAN TAKE YOUR POWER UNLESS YOU ALLOW THEM TO!
Remember change doesn’t happen over night!
Change begins with awareness and the willingness to do things differently!