Like many of you I was very busy going about my day today. I was in between clients and decided to turn on the TV quick to see what was happening in the world. I immediately saw a banner at the bottom of the channel that said “school shooting”. I thought they were re-telling a story from years ago. Then I saw something I never thought I would see in my lifetime…I saw the words “Elementary School”.
There are moments in your life where your brain questions what you are seeing. There are moments when your brain quickly begins to spin, trying desperately to come up with some “other” explanation. There are moments that are just so unimaginable that you just can’t seem to accept them as a fact. As I turned up the volume I could not believe what I was hearing. The tears began to flow, my heart literally hurt and my soul was crushed in a way I did not think was possible.
So many times after a tragedy people reach out to me through emails, facebook messages, phone calls, etc. They are seeking comfort, trying to make sense of what has happened and wanting answers. This was one of those times. I feel like I have been saying “I never thought I would ever see this in my lifetime” a lot lately. I feel like I have been saying “there are just no answers to explain this tragedy” way too much. Sometimes there are just NO answers and no explanation that will ever make sense. Sometimes there are just no words.
Someone asked me today if I thought it was appropriate to send cards and notes to the school. Here was my response:
As someone who has spent 15 years consoling those who have lost loved ones (I think that gives me enough insight to say)…we need to let everyone decide how they want to handle this horrific tragedy, how they want to reach out. We should not tell people how they should feel or what they should do. We are all individuals and need to process in our own way. The cards are not going to the homes of the families, they are going to the school. I am sure there will be many grief counselors there and they will know what to do when they are received. I don’t see how reaching out and sharing love can ever be a bad thing. But that is just my opinion based on my years of working with devastated families who have lost loved ones.
There is a special place in my heart where I put each and everyone of the horrible stories of loss that I hear on a daily basis. I always try to focus on the strength I know people have and most importantly I remind myself and those who are left behind that their loved ones who have passed want nothing more then for them to continue moving forward….they want their life (no matter how long or short) to be celebrated. They (those who pass) don’t ever want their loved ones to spend a lifetime suffering. Things will never be the same for the people left behind….and they all move forward in their own way….we can only love, console and support….
This will be a day we will never forget. This will be yet another day when our world has been forever been changed. Our heart our broken. Our minds are beyond baffled by how something like this could happen. 20 children and 6 adults have lost their lives. Sandy Hook Elementary School will forever be in our hearts and our souls. We need to understand that we cannot overcome anger with anger. We cannot rid hate with hate. Change can only happen through love .
I hope everyone reading this will do something positive in memory of all the souls who were lost. And please remember that we are all one. We are all connected. When one of us hurts we all hurt. When one of us is strong we make others strong. When we have hope we carry those who have lost all hope.
If you would like to send a card or note:
Sandy Hook Elementary
12 Dickenson Drive Sandy Hook, CT 06482
