Have you ever reached that point in your life where it just seems like no matter what you do nothing goes right? You juggle money stresses, job issues, health issues, relationship issues and on and on. It is hard enough when one area of your life is out of whack but when everything is out of balance at once it can be overwhelming. So what do you do? How do you keep yourself going? I can tell you this…sitting there chanting positive affirmations about how great your life is won’t work!
I am sure many of you can relate to what I am talking about with feeling overwhelmed! People tell you, “it is going to be okay”. Honestly that doesn’t really help. People tell you, “you are not the only one going through this”. Sorry but that isn’t making it any better either. So what do you do when you feel yourself spiraling into despair?
I have been in this place more times then I care to remember. I now have a system I use to get me through the unbearable times. I hope this will help some of you who are also going through some really tough times right now.
1. I acknowledge my hurt, frustration and anger at the situation(s) I am in.
I am sorry and I know I am going to get a ton of grief for this BUT….if positive affirmations worked everyone in the world would be happy. When you are going through the worst traumas of your life, sitting there trying to convince yourself that everything is perfect does not work. In fact I think it is very dangerous to your emotional and physical health. Denying your feelings and emotions or even worse, pretending they aren’t there is not a healthy way to deal with stress and trauma.
When I have something horrible I am dealing with I give myself ONE DAY (and that is very important- it is only ONE DAY not ONE YEAR) to be in a poor me pity party place. I give myself one day to just do nothing and allow all of my feelings of hurt, frustration and anger to be processed. The one day is very important because while it is very healthy to process through your emotions it is not healthy to get stuck in them. Think of it as recharging your battery.
2. I get very clear with myself about what I can control and what I can not.
Sometimes in life there is absolutely nothing you can do to change a situation. Sometimes you just have to let things play out. You need to identify what you can control and what you can’t. Those of you who follow my blogs and newsletters know that I have been in a 3 year court battle over my house. This has been a huge lesson for me. I had to accept the fact that I have NO control over banks, lawyer and judges. There is absolutely nothing I can do to speed up this never ending process. So I just have to accept the fact that I have to let it all play out. The part I can control is how I allow it to effect me (hence my ONE day pity party rule-as 3 years is a very long time). Other things you do have control over. For example if you hate your job you have the control to go out and start looking for a new one.
When you focus on what you have control over and let go of what you don’t you take your power back. When you take your power back you begin to step away from the feelings of hopelessness and despair.
3. I choose whom I confide in VERY carefully
When you are feeling hopelessness you don’t need to speak to someone who is going to try to one up all your traumas. You know the type. You call them crying about something and they start going into every bad thing that has happened to them. They usually start every sentence with, “if you think that is bad do you know what happened to me”. NOT HELPFUL in your moment of despair! Instead choose someone who will let you yell, scream and cry without interruption. Someone who will just allow you to “get it all out”. They will simply listen, tell you they love you and that they are there for you. THOSE are the people you need to confide in!
4. Finally….THINK BACK
Life is certainly no walk in the park. In fact it is filled with many challenges! I find it helpful to think back every now and again to other times when I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I gently remind myself that this too shall pass. One of my favorite sayings is “the only person who can take you down is YOU”.
I know times are tough right now. I know first hand how sometimes it just seems that there is just no hope. But I also know that for every miserable thing that happens in your life there are so many more wonderful things! There is ALWAYS someone who loves you, thinks you are beyond amazing, knows how strong you are even when you don’t, watches in awe as you navigate through another challenging time on your journey….someone who truly believes in you! Know that at the end of the day you are an amazing, wonderful, giving, caring soul with so much to look forward to. Know that every now and again you are allowed a poor me pity party day.
Thank you for writing this. I am trying to follow something like this and put myself in a better place.
Dear Lisa Ann: you are right on the money! All the best to you.
Peace: JM
All this awareness and insight without an MSW or the help of a 12 step program….wowie! No wonder I love you! xoxo
Dearest Lisa Ann,
Thank you for this! Written beautifully and from your heart. Things just happen – these welll written words – they come to you when you need them the most. Maybe they are our lessons in life – but tough to learn,
So, I wish you welll as always – and thank you again for this well written message on handling stress/worries/whatever!
Stay welll and happy and may Peace – Love and Laughter be with you alway,
Ilene
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!
YOU ROCK GIRL:-))
Much Love & Light
Cheryl
How refreshing you are. I just LOVE YOU! I have to say that you really put life into perspective. Today life is about instant gratificatoin and if it is not achieved then people think that it is the end all and be all. TAKE A MOMENT TO BREATH. If you can achieve the simple act of taking a deep breath then things are not quite as bad as they may seem. I wish everone MANY BLESSINGS AND MUCH LOVE. For it truly is LOVE AND RESPECT that achieves the most in this world.
It’s too bad I moved from N.Y to M.A 3 years ago,because I would really love to meet you and have a reading with you. I feel at peace reading you’r words. Thank you.
You must be wrong. I just checked my crackberry, my tablet, my laptop, my pc, my big screen tv, and I can’t find anything that makes as much sense as this. So, how can you be so dead on?
You are amazing, you are stronger than you think you are, you are definitely loved by many more than you can imagine..
Seems I’ve told you this before though.
Love, JJ
Lisa,
You inspire me:)
Love you Girl!
Lisa (Sirna)