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“Do not go where the path may lead,
go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

This is without a doubt one of my most favorite sayings and more importantly how I live my life.  But I wasn’t always like this. As shocking as this may seem, there was a time in my life where I was actually very shy (I know, I know, shocking…I told you).  I would not speak up for myself or question those in authority.  I was easily intimidated by those who portrayed themselves as experts in their field.  More importantly I couldn’t even  fathom the fact that maybe just maybe my ideas and thought could have value.  Obviously I am no longer “THAT” girl.

I truly believe that we all have a sort of “internal computer of wisdom” within us.  Everything we see, feel, hear and experience is filtered through this computer.  The problem is too many of us ignore what this internal computer of wisdom tells us.  Even worse we allow others to override what our computer tells us! My own computer has been working overtime for as long as I can remember.  There are just times when I will hear, see, read or watch something and my internal computer of wisdom bells will go off.  In my head it sounds something like this “THAT IS SO WROOONNNNNGGGGG”.  LOL  Then I will usually sit quietly and think about what DOES make sense to me.

If you want to learn to listen to your internal computer of wisdom there are some key things you need to remember:

1. no one person knows everything
2. even the experts can be wrong
3. you should never just accept something as YOUR truth just because other people are choosing to accept it as their truth

Great now that we have gotten that out of the way let me tell you how I got myself in trouble THIS TIME!  Recently I have been very outspoken on my view about “Positive Affirmations” (my internal computer of wisdom has said they don’t work for years).  While traveling and lecturing these last couple of months I have shared my views on this and I have been getting a lot of grief about it.   I thought I would take this opportunity to delve a little deeper into the topic.  So go grab a snack and lets go…..go ahead I will wait.

Okay, your back.  Here we go.  First of all there is a BIG difference between “Positive Thoughts” and “Positive Affirmations”.  I have talked about  negative self talk in an article entitled Space for Rent and how important it is to always talk to yourself in a positive way and to focus on positive thoughts so I am not going to go into that again.  However, I do want to say that positive thoughts (like I am strong, I am a survivor, I am a compassionate person) are very powerful and helpful in keeping yourself out of that negative space.  BUT that is NOT what I am talking about.  I am talking about Positive Affirmations.  You know….looking in the mirror and repeating things like “my life is perfect” (when it is an absolute disaster), “I am a size 2” (when the only gym you know is the guy “Jim” that works at your favorite Dunkin Donuts), “I have a great job” (when you have been unemployed for a year and haven’t sent out a resume in the last 6 months), and on and on.  I personally spent years looking in the mirror and repeating time and time again affirmations that NEVER happened.  I also know many people who have surrounded themselves with wonderful little sticky notes with affirmations that NEVER came true.  Not only do I know for a fact they do not work,  I think they are dangerous! Why?  I am so glad you asked!

1.Because most people immediately think there is something wrong with them when they realize their affirmations aren’t working.  They start losing their confidence and their belief in themselves.

Let’s look at this a little deeper.  There was a Positive Affirmation craze going on for a while.  People really believed all they had to do was repeat some sentences and their entire lives would change.  Of course when it didn’t work most people spiraled deeper into a negative space wondering what THEY were doing wrong, why THEY weren’t deserving of receiving what they wanted.  If it was that easy we would all have perfect lives!  The fact is there is NO such thing as perfection.  Your life is not perfect because it was not meant to be. You are meant to be happy not perfect!

 2. Because they give people an excuse to not deal with their true emotions.

One of the worst things we can do is NOT deal with our true emotions.   When we ignore how we feel and we don’t process our feelings it caused DIS-ease. Dis-ease creates illness. For an example telling yourself you are in perfect relationship when you are not is NOT healthy.  Using a positive affirmation of “I am in a wonderful loving relationship” and not dealing with the fact that you are in a miserable relationship, not understanding why you are not feeling deserving of being in a healthy relationship and not allowing yourself to process how hurt and frustrated you are about your dysfunctional relationship is NOT HEALTHY!

3.Because words are NOTHING without action.  I don’t care if you spend 24 hours 7 days a week looking in the mirror and using your affirmations, THEY ARE NOT GOING TO WORK.

Example:  Saying you want to lose weight is a great start!  However looking in the mirror and saying you are a size 2 is not going to work!  You need to eat right, you need to exercise and you need to be consistent!  We have become a society of “quick fixes”.  Why should we put time and effort into  something when we can just chant a few words.  Sounds great but it is not the world of reality.  You HAVE to be willing to do the hard work!

I have made it my personal mission to empower people.  I have used my own life time and time again as an example of how you can overcome traumas/challenges and truly be happy.  After 15 years of doing this work I find the thing that infuriates you the most is exactly the thing you need to hear and it is the exact thing you need to work on to get unstuck!

This is the last month of 2011. Many of us will have NO problem saying goodbye to 2011 and we are more than ready for a new year, new opportunities and new energy.  Dec is also a very significant month as we are transitioning from fall (a time to let go of what no longer serves you) and we are moving into winter (a time for going within).  I challenge all of you to go ahead and stand in front of the mirror but this time don’t do a positive non-working affirmation.  Instead really look at yourself and ask “what do I need to do to truly step into my authentic self”, “what fears are holding back from enjoying my life to the fullest” and “what do I need to let go of in order to successfully move forward”?  Then figure out what kind of help you need to make those changes.  Finally, be willing to do whatever you need to in order to make that happen!

The bottom line is while many people have been walking the path of Positive Affirmations I am not afraid to step off the path and leave my own trail.  I am not afraid to speak out about what I see that doesn’t work and share what I know does work.  What you do with the information is completely up to you!  Feel free to run it through your internal computer of wisdom and see what you come up with!