The idea for this article was inspired by my amazingly courageous friend and soul sister Katharine who is currently battling Stage 3 breast cancer.  I started writing it before Hurricane Sandy devastated the Northeast.  Now it seems even more urgent to get this message out…..

I have written many times about the “other side” of being a psychic/healer.  While most people think it is “cool” there is an entirely other side to the work I do.  For over 15 years I have listened to, comforted and tried to help (to the best of my ability) those going through the most horrific of circumstances.  People who have lost loved ones, those going through horrible illnesses, and on and on and on.  In order for me to truly be able to help I need to be disconnected but compassionate, honest but understanding and hopeful but realistic.  I hope you will never have to deal with such horrible situations but in case you do here is what you need to know.

It doesn’t matter what the situation, how horrific the loss, how huge the challenge someone is facing….if you keep these tips in mind you can be the inspiration, the courage and the hope someone needs!

NEVER say I know exactly how you feel.
I don’t care if you are going through the same exact situation is.  No two people are alike.  It is very important to allow people to have their own unique experience and to process their grief, situation or loss in their own way. There are many things people go through that I can “relate to” but I try to make sure I never say “I know exactly how you feel”.

NEVER tell someone how they should feel.
Again, we all process things differently.  So many times I have people in my office who have lost loved ones and they are devastated because others are telling them how they should feel, when their grief, anger, sadness, frustration should be over.  YES, we ALWAYS want to encourage people to move forward and take their lives back but we also have to be compassionate and allow them to do it on their own time table.
BE HONEST

If you don’t know what to do for someone, if you don’t know what to say……ASK THEM!  Please note that I have shown this article to my wonderfully inspiring friend Katharine and I do have her permission to share this.  When I found out Katharine had Stage 3 breast cancer I honestly did not know what to say or what to do.  I immediately thought back to my own breast cancer scare last year and all my own fear came flooding in. So what did I do? I asked her! I literally said, “I do not know what to do or what to say so I need you to guide me.  I need you to tell me what you need.  Do you need me to be the compassionate friend, the psychic healer friend, the kick your butt friend”?  What I have learned over the months is that the role and support I offer changes from day to day, week to week.  I allow HER to tell ME what she needs in that moment.

LISTEN don’t speak
Many people facing the most devastating times in their lives simply need to share their feelings, their despair, their frustration.  They aren’t necessarily looking for you to solve their problems, they simple need you to listen. Years ago I sat with a woman dying of lung cancer.  She told me how wonderful her life was and how, now in her 80’s, she had done all she wanted to do.  She told me how she was ready to pass.  We talked for hours (people who are ready to pass don’t always feel comfortable talking to their families and telling them that they are ready to go). When I left I knew I would never see her again but I still think of her to this day and I feel so blessed to have been there for her to talk to. I remember another client who had lost his wife…..I remember him hugging me like his life depended on that hug.  He cried and cried and cried and wouldn’t let go.  He needed to be strong for everyone in his family.  At that moment I was the only person he could fall apart in front of.  He didn’t need my words or my advise.  All he needed was a safe place to release his grief.

DON’T RUN
So many times the people that are experiencing the trauma feel deserted by the exact people they expected to be there for them.  It is truly heartbreaking and I see it way too much.  I do realize that dealing with someone who is ill,  someone who is dying, dealing with someone who has lost someone, etc can bring up our own fears of illness or loss.  However, these are the times when we NEED to put our own fears aside and be there for those who need us.

Now having said all of this I also need to let you know that there have been many many times in my career that I have shut the door and waited for a client to leave before totally and completely falling apart myself.  There are just some stories and situations that are so overwhelmingly horrible that you also need to take a moment to release it.  It is okay to be overwhelmed with emotion.  It is okay to be human.

I hope you will find this information useful.  I hope today you will look at your life a little differently.  I hope you will be grateful for the blessings you have, find the courage to overcome the challenges you face and have the tools to be a shoulder to someone who really needs your love and support!

I dedicate this article to my incredibly courageous and inspiring friend Katharine who has taught me so much!  I dedicate this to each and every person who has been effected by Hurricane Sandy.  My thoughts and prayers are with each and every one of you!