I remember how I used to dread the month February. Ya know the month of diamonds, hearts, candy lifetime channel soul mate movies and those annoying non stop LOVE/RELATIONSHIP commercials. UGH! And cupid…forget it! That little guy just brought up a ton of not so good feelings.
Now that I have happily been in a relationship for over 3 years I find myself in another dilemma. How do I write an article about love relationships that will cover those looking for a healthy and happy relationship AND those looking to improve their current relationship? Maybe a story will help….
I had just finished with a client and put a call into my then boyfriend (this was many years ago). He was going through a really hard time and I thought I would be nice and check in to see if he needed anything. He answered and I asked, “How are you doing? Do you need anything? Want me to come help with your daughter? Need me to cover you at work while you run some errands?” There was a bit of silence then I got a very nasty “I don’t need any help! I don’t need you to be my therapist, nurse, babysitter, business partner….CLICK (that was the phone hanging up)”! WOW! That was rude!
After I wiped the tears away I remember sitting there thinking to myself…okay I am a pretty intelligent women. I KNOW it is not mathematically possible that I ALWAYS attract unappreciative idiots! I was also smart enough to know that the common denominator in ALL my relationships was ME! OUCH! I had to figure out why I kept attracting men who just did not appreciate me and frankly treated me like crap! I knew in order to get to the bottom of this I would have to be willing to do some serious soul searching! I would have to start by not making anymore excuses for the bad behavior…he is just busy with work, beat up from his divorce, upset because of his kids…and on and on. There would be NO MORE putting “him” first and me waiting around for little crumbs of acknowledgement! From now on it would have to be about me! I had to get clear on what I wanted and more importantly what the heck I was doing wrong!
I have to say journey to find myself led to one very shocking find! I realized I did not feel deserving! I did not see all the wonderful things I could bring to a relationship! Instead I only saw myself as someone who could help, save, rescue, etc! I have to tell you that it took me quite a while for me to find the things I liked about myself! If I took the healing and rescuing off the table what did I have to offer? It took some time but eventually I realized I actually had a lot to offer in a relationship! Once I got clear what I wanted and what I added to a relationship my life began to change!
I was now ready to move forward. I was in a good place. I saw my value. I was ready to find that equal partnership I had so longed for. I would set new rules for myself! I wouldn’t wait around for someone to become what I needed! I wouldn’t make excuses for bad behavior! I would be proud of all I brought to the table and I knew the right relationship was right around the corner! Yes, there were one or two more “tests” but I kept true to myself and kept reminding myself that I WAS deserving of having the RIGHT person in my life. Sure enough it worked!
So see…whether you are looking for love, not happy in your current relationship or looking to take your current relationship to the next level the steps are all the same. First you have look at what you are putting out there. Next you have to really be honest about what you feel deserving of. Finally if you are not getting what you need than you need to STOP making excuses and address it!
Feb is month of LOVE! Bottom line is the person you need to focus your love on first is YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!