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Well if you have to have a breast cancer scare let me just say there is no worst time then Breast Cancer Awareness Month!  In case the stress of waiting to find out if you have breast cancer is not enough…those damn pink ribbons everywhere, t-shirt, logos on food products, commercials, etc ….were enough to plummet me over the edge.  You could not have a moments peace without a reminder that you could be sick!  Let me start by first saying my results came back benign….big deep breathe.  Now I will back up a bit and share the story.

Recently I was able to get health insurance for myself (after a couple of years without it).  You may recall the last time I had health insurance was when I had the “other cancer scare of 2008” which ended in a complete hysterectomy.  If you missed it please read “Trust Your Intuition- It just might save your life”. For those of you keeping track this is actually my THIRD cancer scare since 2003 (back then I had to have  pre-cancerous cells removed). Like many women  I went for my regular annual checkup (which I ALWAYS do regardless of whether or not I have health insurance).  My doctor insisted I go for a mammogram since I am now the wonderfully hot age of 44!  The day of the mammogram the tech informed me that my boobs (we are all friends here I can call them that) were dense and I would probably need further testing as it would be hard for them to really see anything.  So when the call came a week later from my doctor saying I need to get to a surgeon asap, I was not at all shocked or upset.  In fact, not only was I not worried but I had been joking on face book how I think the tech called my boobs fat!  I was also saying how ridiculous it is women don’t get tested as a mammogram is NO BIG DEAL!  If you can have a kid ….you can get a mammogram….seriously ladies!

It actually wasn’t until the day I went to get the report and films that I realized, oops there IS a problem.  I picked up the report and films on the way to the surgeon and when I read it I saw that they had found something that could be cancer.  After I met with the surgeon and she looked over the films, report and did an exam she decided to send me immediately to the hospital for another more magnified mammogram.  I had just gotten home when the doctor called to say I did indeed have what looked like a cluster and I would need to have a stereotactic biopsy.  I have to take a moment to digress here. Now whether you are a women or a man with a mother, wife, sister, daughter, female friend or co-worker LISTEN UP!  I did not have a lump!  I did not have any signs or symptoms of ANYTHING being wrong!  This “cluster” was so small it could barely be seen with the naked eye!  My point….YOU NEED TO GO GET A MAMMOGRAM!  We have the technology to save you from cancer IF YOU CATCH IT EARLY ENOUGH!

Now just because nothing in my life is ever without major drama…the biopsy would be scheduled for 2 days before I was leaving to go out of state to film for my secret TV project that I still can’t talk about.  Perfect!  The procedure itself involved being numbed with local anesthesia (meaning they put needles in your boob-you all know what a needle phobic I am), lots of pictures being taken so they know exactly where the problem is, then they insert this little vacuum thingy and suck out a part of the cluster.  After several thousand more pictures they insert a titanium marker which will remain there.  The marker is used for two reasons.  One, if it is cancer they need to go in and clean out the area.  Two, if it is not cancer they need to know EXACTLY where it was for future mammograms.   God forbid you or anyone you know ever needs to have this done I would like you to know it really was not that bad.  A few steri strips and a nice bandage and off you go with a bag of ice for your boob!  Bandages stay on for a week and you will have a little bruising but it wasn’t physically horrible.  I think the mental stuff you go through especially as a women and it being your boobs….that is a LOT tougher to deal with!

The results were to be available the day I was leaving for filming. I made the decision to NOT find out until after I got back.  This filming was the opportunity of a lifetime and I could not afford to be distracted.  If I did have cancer there was nothing I could do about it that weekend anyway  (Side note….please do not be a jackass “yes I said it” and email me saying “well your psychic didn’t you know the results”….not only does it show you have no understanding of what being intuitive and spiritual means but it also makes you look like an uncaring ass….sorry but that is a HUGE pet peeve of mine).  Just for the record I did not originally think I was sick but as we all sometimes do I let fear take over.  Let’s be honest…this was my THIRD cancer scare so I was very concerned about my odds.

I don’t think you can really understand or relate to some things in life until they happen to you. I jokingly attribute my success to the fact that I have pretty much personally experienced every frigen trauma there is and that is why I can help and relate to people so well.  I didn’t read it in a book or learn about it in school.  Almost everything I talk about, help people with, etc I HAVE EXPERIENCED FIRST HAND! Lucky me:) Looking back now the time between the first “you need a biopsy call” and actually receiving the results were only about two weeks but at the time it seemed like forever.  During that time I ONCE AGAIN learned some very valuable lessons!  I learned that in life there are the givers and the takers.  We all have them.  Lets start with the “takers”.  You know the people that always have something going on.  Their life traumas are ALWAYS more important than everyone else’s. They are emotionally disconnected and only around when they are getting something from you!  You know, those people you have dropped everything for in the past just to be there for them.  Those people you constantly make excuses for when they are not there for you.  Well let me just say I had a HUGE slap of reality during this time.  As a result I have removed several people from my life.  So here is what YOU need to remember (as do I):

 1.You are an extremely valuable person (as am I)!
2. Just because someone is incapable of truly/genuinely being there for you that does not mean you need to be accepting of that!
3. People make time for what/who they feel is important, if that is not you then maybe you need to be more picky about who you give your time to!
4. Takers ALWAYS have excuses for why they can’t be there for you (they are busy with their job, they can’t handle serious emotional trauma, your situation is triggering too many difficult memories for them, they prefer to hide out from life rather than working through the big stuff and on and on)…..you do NOT need to accept their excuses!  You deserve so much more!
5.Takers ALWAYS put the blame on you for why they couldn’t be there for you and twist it to be your fault and not theirs.

But remember I also mentioned the givers.  Here is what you need to remember about them (as I learned FIRST hand);

1. Givers ask “what do you need”?
2.Givers are there to just listen and be supportive.
3.Givers are more than willing to rearrange their time, in your time of trauma.
4. Givers don’t need to be asked for support, they offer it willingly.
5. Givers are NEVER “all about them” in your time of trauma.

At the end of the day it is really up to us who we allow in our inner circle.  Yes, I know first hand how hard it can be to walk away from certain people in your life.  It is especially difficult if, like me, you are living in delusional land thinking that after all you have done for them, they will be there to watch your back when you need them.  But the truth is the world is shifting and changing.  The human race is changing.  Some people are quickly falling into the great abyss of me, me, me.  Other people are realizing that we are all interconnected and when one of us hurts, all of us hurt.  I like you experienced the hurt, disappointment and absolute devastation of realizing these people I had considered so important in my life really were just there for themselves.  I was beyond crushed and very angry.  But I took my own advise (for once).  I allowed myself time to process my hurt, anger and disappointment (holding it all in is NEVER a good choice).  I had healing work done with an amazing healer friend of mine.  I looked at myself long and hard in the mirror and realized I am in complete control of the people I allow in my life!

I was talking before about how I felt with all this “Breast Cancer Awareness”.  Obviously I was saying that because of what I was going through.  However, I need to make a point.  I find it absolutely frightening how many women do the walks, wear the shirts, buy all the pink stuff… but when you ask them if they had a mammogram they say “Oh no I am too afraid.  I heard it is very uncomfortable.”  Seriously right now!  If you take nothing else from this record long 99 page article (and ps God Bless ya if you are still reading)…..then remember this:  you can not save yourself from something you don’t know you have! GO GET A FRIGEN MAMMOGRAM!  It could save your life! And one more thing…when people are in trauma the “you will be fine” is really not all that helpful.  Instead simply ask “what do you need from me” or “what can I do to help you through this”?

I will now forever have the marker in my boob (or as I like to now refer to it as my bionic boob).  It has taken me some time to become one with that idea as being a healer I did not want anything foreign left in my body.  But like everything else in life it is all how you look at it.  A wonderful client of mine told me that she looks at her marker as a little GPS so God can keep an eye on her:)  I will be followed every 6 months and I will be thankful everyday for my wonderful little boobs:)  As far as the rest of the experience and the lessons I learned, I would like to leave you with this.  I posted this on my face book wall recently:

“Just because I am strong…that does not mean there are not times when I need someone to lean on.  Just because I don’t show my tears….that does not mean my heart is not breaking on the inside.  Just because I do my best to enjoy every moment….that does not mean that there are moments I do not think I will survive. 

Today give a shoulder, a hug, a word of encouragement to someone you may not even know needs it!  Even the strongest people have weak moments!  Hugs to all of you!”  Lisa Ann